I like alot of different kinds of music, and from nearly every genre. However, there are some artists I listen to and really like for a variety of reasons, but they are very popular with *ahem* “certain segments of society” or just very popular in general, so I don’t readily like to admit to liking them. I will admit

that I’m a bit of a music snob. I’ll go on and on about Primus is the only truly original band out there, or how “Gish” was really the only Smashing Pumpkins album, and then turn my nose up at the electronic pomposity that U2 has become.

Enough with the pretension.  I’ll list the artist, why I dig ‘it and why I consider it a “guilty pleasure”.

1. Dave Matthews Band

Why I dig it: Great musicianship, insightful lyrics and grooves o’plenty. DMB constantly puts out quality stuff. And nobody rocks an acoustic as well as Dave. The whole band is stellar.

Why the guilty pleasure: Fratboys and the throngs of giggly suburban, pseudo-hippy chick fans for one. Trying to explain the lyrics of the song “Why I Am” to one of these insipid little suckholes and having them insist that “there is no way Dave isn’t a Christian” is one reason to crawl into a hole with my copy of “Under the Table and Dreaming” until they all perish in a pool of sewage from Dave’s  tour bus.

2. Death Cab For Cutie

Why I dig it: Great melodies, novels full of great lyrics, rock solid rhythm section and their albums are produced beautifully. They create these sonic textures that just draw you in while Ben Gibbard lulls you into blissful sedation with his voice.

Why the guilty pleasure: Thousands of emo cutters can’t be wrong, right? When I first listened to “Plans”, I hated it. Then I heard “Narrow Stairs”, and went back and listened to “Plans” and subsequently fell in love with it. Confused? Yeah, me too.  All I know is music is supposed to make you feel…something…anything. And DCFC does just that for me.

3. Britney Spears

Why I dig it: This doesn’t go for all of her stuff, but her latest is pretty hard to ignore. “Circus” is pretty dirty and sexy. I guess it’s all about the groove. I didn’t like the pedophiles dream that was the early “Baby one more time” Britney, but I like the crazy, bald, baby dropping Britney, it makes her music more edgy, and I like that. Yeah she’s a nutjob…but a nutjob that can do one thing well: entertain. I-I know just-just what you are.  Oh yeah.

Why the guilty pleasure: Uuuuh. It’s Britney Spears for fuck’s sake. I’d lose my “Official Fables of the Reconstruction College Rock” card if that got out.

4. Eminem

Why I dig it: I like to think there’s a difference between “Rap” and “Hip Hop”. Hip Hop is more the “musical” style while Rap is the lyrical style. Kind of like beat poetry. That said, both have come along way. Hip Hop is progressing and evolving while rap is taking several steps back, becoming dumbed down, formulaic and really, really stupid. Enter Eminem. Face it, no one in Rap writes like him. It’s intelligent, well thought out, clever and creative poetry.  If you can get past some of the vulgarity, misogyny,  and the hip hop street lingo, underneath is a disturbed and misunderstood poet. And isn’t that pretty much at the core of most art?

Why the guilty pleasure: Rap is one of those things that once little kids and old people are doing it, it sort of loses it’s lustre. Sort of like when everyone figured out how to solve the Rubiks Cube.  I hate listening to 90% of rap. Most of the remaining 10% I do listen to was made 20 years ago, or is a little off beat (DeLa Soul etc.) Too many dumb asses with their “pants on da ground”, their gold teef and ridiculous cars is enough to make me stay far away from association with this genre. That and this cracka don’t want no cap in his ass.

5. Metal

Why I dig it: There’s something primal about it. Loud guitars, lighting drums (or sludge filled drums depending on what variety of “the  metal” you’re listening) and screaming (or growling) vocals. Not all metal is worth me listening to, but give me Motorhead, Helmet, Pantera or any number of late 80′s metal bands like Guns N’ Roses, Skid Row, Slaughter, the Crue, etc. and I’ll happily headbang in suburbia. (I’m fully aware that many die hard metal head purists will scream at me because some of these bands might be considered “hard rock” or “hair metal” at best. I don’t care. STFU.) I still like to turn it up to 11 and annoy my neighbors with it. And the aggression it releases is far cheaper than anti-depressants.

Why the guilty pleasure? Metal oftentimes takes itself way too seriously. I mean, some people actually believe the crappy lyrics they spew. And what’s worse? Some of the songwriters believe it as well. Metal is a genre of purists: in the 80′s and early 90′s refrains of “that’s not real metal” echoed off high school walls everywhere. Metal is just so full of itself.  For a genre that appeals to so many “outsiders”, there sure are a lot of rules. I guess it’s no different than Deadheads lambasting each other for eating meat, listening to anything on the radio and buying their tie-dies from “the man”.

So there ya have it. There’s probably a lot more to add to this list, but I already feel pretentious enough as it is. I just thought you might like to take a peek at the dork that is me.

If I didn’t limit the guilty pleasures list to just music, this would be a very long blog. I could write pages on monster trucks alone. And nobody wants that, do they?