I’ve been reading The Happiness Project website recently to get inspiration and motivation to lead a more positive life. From years of studying religion, practicing meditation being introspective and learning about how to be a more spiritual person (by spiritual, I mean positive, happy and balanced, not necessarily in the metaphysical sense)  I’m a bit ahead of the game. However, over the past years I’ve been very surface happy but lacking that deep, still, inner peace happy I had in days of yore. Part of getting that back is reading the essays and writings I created back when I was in that place. Basically; old Brad is teaching new Brad.

That lead me to think of (one of the many) epiphanies I had during that time. This one was regarding prayer and what it means to me. What is a prayer? This question is much like what is “god” or “church”? The meanings in this culture default to Christianity’s god and church which can cause some confusion. I can’t tell you how many times someone said to me “I’ll pray for you.” And they meant it, it was sincere and they actually did pray for me. But what does it actually mean? They prayed to a god in which I don’t believe, so it sort of rang hollow. Although the appreciation that someone was thinking of me in a time of need was comforting in that “oh how cute” way that a child gives you a dandelion when you’re sick, there was no deeper meaning for me in their petition to their god.

The larger conundrum comes when someone asks me to pray for them.  I’d always get some flip “…or whatever you people do”  statement. As if I was incapable of even coming close to the oh-so-meaningful gesture of petitioning a ghost to intervene in their life. So one day I stopped, and thought about what a prayer really is to me. When someone asks me to pray for them (or whatever we people do) I want to give them a solid, honest; “Yes, I will pray for you” answer.

So let me give you my definition of prayer.

Prayer is any hope, wish, meditation or desire spoken with pure intent, honesty and love.

With this definition, it opens up the world of prayer to be much like a spell…or meditation…or energy. It’s no longer praying to a specific deity for a specific petition, but it can be. It’s no longer a crutch to ask for forgiveness for a transgression or placing your burden on an imaginary friend. It’s pure, it’s real and it’s measurable in a sense.

After pondering prayer and how I, as an atheist can truly pray for someone, a larger, more eye opening epiphany came to me. Even though I don’t believe in their gods or deities,  I’m a religion scholar…I KNOW  about their god(s), I studied them so they aren’t strangers to me. Now here’s the kicker: They believe in their gods, they are asking me to pray for them. So why can’t I pray to their god for  them? Does this pass my definition of prayer test? Of course it does, but now it’s even more meaningful because I’m putting aside my dis-belief  to honor their belief by praying to their god. A sacrifice isn’t a sacrifice if it doesn’t hurt a little, and an atheist praying to someone elses  god certainly, at the very least, can feel weird.

So even though I don’t believe in their god, that shouldn’t exclude me from praying to him (or her) for the person in need.  It makes them feel good that I can put aside theological differences to honor their request. And it makes me feel good that I can suspend my dis-belief to connect with another human being in their time of need. All of the debates, arguments and discussions about theism versus atheism are suspended for a truly humanist approach, a real connection with another human being.

So what if I don’t believe? The important part is they do and they asked me to pray for them…so I will; With pure intent, honesty and love

Deep within the still centre of my being
May I find peace.
Silently within the quiet of the Grove
May I share peace.
Gently within the greater circle of humankind
May I radiate peace.

Back when I used to speak to university humanities classes about my personal spiritual path, earth centered beliefs and how I incorporate them into my daily life, the classes were as much or more so, affirmations for me. After engaging conversations with so many diverse students who challenged me, questioned me and forced me to answer to the things I was telling them, I came away with a deeper understanding of myself and my place in the world. I left those classes feeling lighter, happier, liberated and enlightened.

I want that feeling back.

The Atheist/Agnostic/Spiritual Conundrum

Although my life now is great: I get to perform, write and play music (almost) for a living. My day job doesn’t totally suck and I’ve made some good friends there. I’m in love with a wonderful, smart, intelligent woman. I have an honor roll son who plays 3 sports and rarely if ever gets into trouble, I’m losing weight, relatively healthy, etc, etc. But I miss that spirituality, that light feeling I got from immersing myself into deep thought, conversation, teaching, learning and being a spiritual person. I think it all began when I embraced my atheism. Once I became very comfortable being “good without god”, I slipped to the atheist side of my long held agnostic beliefs. I think I need to get back to thinking more bigger picture and not in the void of existence that often comes with atheism.

For years, I was ok with agnosticism because it really made sense…we really don’t know about the existence or non-existence of god and I was OK with that. But I’ve come to realize that “god” in the sense that most people think of it (the omniscient, creator, prayer-hearing, life controlling god) simply doesn’t exist. However, the “god” of my agnostic side was different. I redefined the word “god” to mean the common energy shared among all life and it’s connection to the universe, much like the Hindu’s  ”Brahman” or the Native American’s “Great Spirit”. But that led to some confusion, not only to the people I tried to explain that to, but to me. I found that in this world, “God” is most often spelled with a capital “g”. So I stopped using the word and didn’t really think much of it.

Getting back my “god” will mean focusing on humanity. It will lead me back to my path of Humanism and earth-centered beliefs; that humankind is what I’m a part of and I need to find and focus on that aspect, especially the positive  aspect of what it means to truly be human. It will lead me back to contemplating my place on this planet, my place in the universe, my place among other humans and all other living, beings on the planet. It will lead me back to recognizing the path of my ancestors, celebrating the seasons, the cycles and energies of the earth and our undeniable place in it.

The Social Network

Oddly enough, it was Facebook that helped. For all it’s awfulness, I found that a simple post about my feelings can garner a wealth of advice, support and connection with people I may rarely, if ever, had spoken to. Getting emails from friends with encouragement and actually seeing the amount of people who took the time to post their thoughts to me was inspiring. Reading others posts, their problems or concerns and seeing them involved in the everyday joys of life and watching their friends, family and acquaintances come to their aid or share in their joy reminded my that the human connection is alive and well…even if only virtually.

What Changed?

I think I’m going to sit down and break out my old religion books, sacred texts, poetry, etc. and become inspired again. I miss meditation, mindfulness and enjoying just being human. I’m going to purposefully surround myself with positivism; no more reading the news, concerning myself with others drama, being snarky or elitist. Instead, I’m going to try the age old saying; “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

All this time spent fretting over politics, evangelical religions and arguments that will go nowhere will now try to be spent uplifting, offering positive advice or a listening ear. I spent all that time in anger, and for what? Did I change anything? Did politics change? Did religion change? Absolutely not. But what about me? Did I change? Most certainly. I went back to that jaded and cynical person I hated from my 20′s. I want to change again, back to the enlightened man of my 30s, the one who offered good advice, spoke to people, smiled, walked slowly down the street looking UP and noticing the sky, the birds and the clouds and not  staring at the concrete and frowning at the man-made misery below.

The good thing is; this time it will be easier. I already know how to be that person, I know what it takes and how to get there. It’s all about practice. Positive practice.

Comments are welcome and encouraged.

I leave you with an ancient Gaelic prayer:

May it be so for you,

Deep peace of the running wave to you.

Deep peace of the flowing air to you.

Deep peace of the quiet earth to you.

Deep peace of the gentle night to you.

Moon and stars pour their healing light on you.

Deep peace of the Light of the World to you.

Inspired by making a Yule gift for my love, I’m trying new things with digital art. The latest pieces are at the top of the “Art” page (imagine that). Enjoy and feel free to leave feedback.